Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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