We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
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I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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