I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I believe in your delicious
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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