as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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