I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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