I don't usually arrange sex via text message
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You were trust falling into bushes
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize