Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He shit in the fireplace
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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