Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
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He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
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I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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