so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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