my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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