Can i not drive my cunt home
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
where are you?
Hypothermia
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize