i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
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if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
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I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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