Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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