No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
smell my finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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