new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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