I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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