You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize