He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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