Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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