Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
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making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
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I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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