I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize