I can text with my tongue
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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