dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize