He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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