He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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