My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
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The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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