I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
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