I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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