The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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