i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize