The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kissed a someone with a penis
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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