Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
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I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
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Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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