I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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