so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize