Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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