This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize