Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
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The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
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Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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