she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize