I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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