I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
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The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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