nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
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