Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
How does one acquire holy water?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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