just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
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Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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