Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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