It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize