Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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