Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
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He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
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I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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