I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
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Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
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As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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