She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
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You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
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It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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