was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize